Some Truths About Me

Someone told me yesterday that I don't give people a chance to know the real and deeper me.

Hmmm.... Is that true?

Well, assuming that i know myself well enough, here are some truths about me fr my own perspective:

Truth #1 - I don't like to compromise on myself
Truth is, i don't really like to give in to "its not possible" easily. I don't really like to believe "im only allowed to choose between A or B". I always like to question "why not both?". I don't want to believe i can only choose between developing the technical side or the business side of me in my career. I don't want to believe that being a nice guy means finishing last.

Maybe that's why people sometimes dun understand why im so hard on myself. Maybe to some people, RF is always plain greedy. Maybe I am. But i like to believe its because i don't like to compromise. I just don't like to compromise.

Truth #2 - I don't know how not to compromise on others
Truth is, I am a slave to social obligations. I find it hard to say no to people. Sometimes i say yes to people because i want to say yes. Sometimes, its just because i dunno how to say no. I think this is where i make people who are close to me (esp my ex-gfs) suffer. I always have time for people but i have no time for them.

Truth #3 - My number 1 fear is loneliness
I will rather die than feel lonely. In fact, i think i rank loneliness pretty ahead of death in terms of fear.

Truth #4 - I perform best when Im an underdog (aka 人都是凡贱的）
I think I only truly perform when my back is against the wall; When no one expects that person to be me; When odds are against me. I am not a peace time person. I never perform well when resources are generous to me. Maybe this is just a nice way to say I am lazy and gets complacent easily. Nonetheless, this is one of those reasons why I suspect mb God wired me for startups.

Truth #5 - 11 Patents =/= a R&D geek who only stays in the lab
I think sometimes when people see me, all they see is this guy has 11 patents = he is a geek who stays in the lab = he can try to win a nobel prize next time = he should be doing a phd. period.

This is not true. I say again, this is not true.

I think my uniqueness is being both technical AND business at the same time. I have proven myself in product design, which is more on innovation, less on research. Nobel prizes are for sciences. I am not a scientist. Patents are business instruments. I am interested to solve problems that has real life applications, problems that can be translated to the market. I think i won't be happy with a talk only to objects kinda technical job with no business motivations. I think i won't be happy doing a fluffy all-talk and no brains business development job either.

Ahhh, a testimony of truth #1 again.